ZURICH — In an unprecedented move, FIFA officials decided yesterday to postpone the 2010 FIFA World Cup soccer tournament until 2011, in order to give David Beckham’s torn Achilles’ tendon time to heal so that he could play in the tournament.
“Missing Beckham would devastate our ratings,” said FIFA president Sepp Blatter. “Let’s face it: Beckham and his wife, Victoria, are the fifth-richest couple on Forbes money list, and we were counting on substantial ad revenue from his fragrance brand. Without Beckham, no one gives a shit about the Honduran squad. No offense, but Rigoberto Padilla doesn’t sell hair gel.”
“We are elated by FIFA’s decision,” said Armand André, spokesperson for Victoria Beckham. “This will give us time to tailor our denim and eyewear offerings to the billions who will be enjoying David Beckham at the World Cup.”
However, many in the world are speculating that the severity of Beckham’s injury will mean the end of his playing career.
“He was already as slow as a dunce with a head injury,” says Nigel Stoke-on-Trent, who writes for a soccer blog called The Old Onion Bag. “What is England going to do when he gets back? Sub him on to take a one-legged corner kick?”
Others disagree with Stoke-on-Trent’s prediction, noting that FIFA is not the only organization that stands to benefit from Beckham’s appearance. The English national squad recently negotiated a deal to make David Beckham Underwear the team’s exclusive supplier of athletic support garments, and the team would lose millions if they stopped carrying the David Beckham jock.
In related news, FIFA officials announced Tuesday that their creative team is busy re-conceptualizing the FIFA 2010 World Cup mascot, Zakumi.
At the press conference, organization released a preliminary sketch of the new mascot, “Becky.”