Americans’ Slacks: Down in the Trousers

While millions are transfixed on men in tassels, sequins and hair gel sliding on the ice, there’s another competition going on at the Winter Olympics–curling.

Yet the parallels between curling, figure skating and dubious sartorial choices cannot be denied. Case in point: the Norwegians sported a dynamic pair of pants earlier this week. (Your far-flung correspondent did not fail to notice this. Or post pics.)

The pants made the papers. The pants got their own Facebook fan page. The page has almost 100,000 fans (I joined–but I didn’t inhale). The pants have great Facebook updates, in the third person, such as this earlier one, “Almost 83,000 fans! The pants are humbled by your support,” and this one from mid-match: “Norway and the pants up 3-2 after 5. Very exciting match!”

As exciting as the pants are, the US curled off against Denmark today. A very exciting match as well, that actually went to extra frames.

But before we get to the action, what were they wearing? The Americans were in stolid white shirts and black slacks. Very stolid. Sober. Proper. And Boring. They looked every bit the soporific golfer.

Ah, but the Danes! Red shorts, black pants … and white belts.You know, kinda hip! Oh, and the skip? He had on a silver belt buckle that would have made the Pendleton Round-Up proud.

Danish curler Lars Vilandt showing off that winning fashion edge.

The Americans and Danes went back and forth … no one ahead by more than one point … tied at the end of 10 … and … the Danes won in an extra frame.

Why? I think you know why. Oh, and did I mention that the Americans are now 0 and 4? Three of those matches they’ve lost by a single point. Rock. Whatever you call it. But still, losing by a belt buckle.

Back to the Norwegians. They wore a different pair of pants today:

Even the volunteer can't stop staring at those pants.

But how did they do?

They won 7-4, making them 3 and 1 in the prelims.

So if I were the Americans, I’d be looking for something–anything–to help my competitive edge.

Here’s what to do: Give the dull threads to Goodwill, and go shopping with something with some verve. One more suggestion? I know this guy who did quite well with miracle trousers. And cravats.

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