The Queen Keeps a Lid on it


Look at all them hats! There’s the little girl in the Jamestown do-rag, the other little girl with the headband-bouquet, the woman in the back left with some gargantuan winged number, and QEII herself, with her highly impressive turquoise effort.

Maybe because I’m not a royalist, or maybe because she doesn’t visit Yanktopia very often, but until now I haven’t been appropriately reverent of the queen’s hats. But in retrospect, how could I miss it? After all, this is a woman who descends the steps of a plane followed by two men carrying her hat boxes, who has her own milliner, and whose last visit to the US was famous for the “talking hat incident.” (Apparently the lectern was too high, and all you saw was the haberdashery–alas, photos of that incident have yet to come my way.)

But there’s someone on the ball, such as the monarchist who published the page chronicling the Queen’s hats to the mid 1970s. The baker’s dozen on that page are worth a view, if only for the green and purple one with the huge buckle on it, or the shot-with-a-feather one, or the deeply surreal blue bonnet. One is tempted to subject such past fashion choices to cold, postmodern scrutiny, but it’s important to remember that the queen is above all that, as she is … well, not a subject. (Sorry. Please stop with the projectiles now.)

When she went to watch the horsies recently, she sported this number:


She’s also graced our shores this week with these:

pinkhat.jpg yellow2.jpg

I know there are all sorts of reasons Britain would be better off without the Queen, but until that happens, I say, Queen, keep wearing those hats (though according to protocol, I’d have to call her “Your Majesty” and then on subsequent references, “Ma’am” — which, they note, rhymes with “jam.”)

Speaking of protocol,

Members of The Royal Family do not wish anyone to be put to unnecessary expense by buying special clothes, hats or gloves. The following points may, however, be of use in answering queries:

1. There is no requirement for hats to be worn, though it is entirely acceptable to do so. Hats are not normally worn at functions after 6:30 p.m.

But I digress. Okay, here’s the last lid: Proving she should be the standard-bearer for Toastmasters, she was brave enough to speak in public while wearing his one:


While the abovementioned is a close, personal favorite of mine, I do think it’s alarming close to looking like a cake:



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