Zoom! I was riding my bike on a straight, slightly downhill stretch of road, going as fast as I could in top gear (because there were cars on this busy thoroughfare, and they’re basically big iron death machines if they hit you, you know?).
Anyhow, I was cranking along when in the distance on the other side of the sidewalk (I was in the bike lane) were two highly agitated little dog-rodents on those nearly useless extenda-leashes. The leashes were attached to a nearly useless dog owner, who was yelling at them to behave (that’ll work any day now!).
Then one of them bolted right at me … and in the fraction of a second I had to think, I realized
- I outweigh this vicious little f**ker at least 20:1. He must have cojones the size of … well, BBs!
- If I swerve to avoid him, I’ll eat it going 20+ mph–right next to speeding cars. Bad idea.
- Therefore, if he gets in front of me, I’ll just decapitate him.
Alas, it was an anticlimax. Cujito (“Little Cujo”) just wasn’t a quick enough predator to catch speedy prey such as I, and I zoomed on past, to graze on the green, green grass of the savanna (or whatever) for another day.
But whew! What an exciting law-of-the-jungle scenario. Anyone want to buy the movie rights?
Cujito says, “I am going to f**k you up.”