Handicapping the Star Wars Stamp

For only the second time in history, the US Post Office is letting fans vote on a stamp. In the first vote, Brylcreem pompadour Elvis defeated fat leather jumpsuit Elvis (see the images here). This time it’s Star Wars. Here’s how the odds makers see the race shaping up:

Anakin Skywalker & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Odds:
9:1
The image of a light-saber duel is a big plus, but the whole scene looks awfully Lord of the Rings.

Boba Fett
Odds:
500:1
Everyone loves a grotty bounty hunter–but only on cable TV.

C-3PO
Odds:
1000:3
Huffy, prissy, jerky, vaguely homosexual robots rarely make it onto stamps of major countries.

Darth Maul
Odds:
800:1
Frightens small children. Creeps out adults, too.

Darth Vader
Odds:
5:1
The poster boy for lung disease, evil and choking your adversaries in committee meetings? The force is strong with him.

Han Solo & Chewbacca
Odds:
4:1
The dashing, debt-ridden rogue and his hair-factory sidekick are the odds-on favorites. That shtick still works for beer ads.

Luke Skywalker
Odds:
6:1
Young Jedi. Also, pubescent, virginal hick from a podunk planet with a whiny voice. I’d rather vote for his raspy father.

Millennium Falcon
Odds:
40:1
Yeah, it made the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs, but it’s still just a grimy old space ship.

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Odds:
30:1
Sir Alec Guinness is cool, even in some sort of bonnet.

Princess Leia & R2D2
Odds:
7:1
Cinnamon-bun hair and the beeping trash-can robot will sway the nostalgic voters.

Queen Amidala
Odds:
67:2
Natalie Portman looks hot in almost any get-up–except goat’s horns.

Stormtroopers
Odds:
12:1
What’s that clacking noise? Oh, it’s their 90-part plastic outfits.

The Emperor
Odds:
750:1
That face (chemical accident? Nick Nolte’s uncle?) won’t win the hearts of voters. And it doesn’t matter how much force you have, Palpatine. Your teeth are black, so you won’t get no love.

X-Wing Starfighter
Odds:
10:1
Screaming through space, a symbol of hope, rebellion, and hand-built models, circa 1977!

Yoda
Odds:
13:2
Ahh, withered tottering height-challenged sage with tortured syntax, much votes get will he!

Write-in Candidate

Jabba the Hut
Odds:
450:1
Gurgling, obese lump of evil that bites the heads off of small animals–just the icon for our Caligulan times.

Show Jabba some love
The odds maker’s sentimental favorite. Won’t you show him some love?

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