“No such thing as a Zamboni DWI”

I’d say this was an only-in-New-Jersey thing, but I somehow know it isn’t.

A man charged with DWI after speeding and nearly crashing into the boards while operating a Zamboni at a hockey rink (with a blood alcohol level of 0.12) was found not guilty this week. (Here’s the AP story.) The legal argument is that a Zamboni isn’t a motor vehicle because it’s not usable on a highway and can’t carry passengers.

(As a sidebar, this was an all-Italian job: The loaded Zambonier is named Pergallo; Pergallo’s attorney is Porfido; the judge’s name is Falcone; the prosecutor is D’Onofrio.)

However, one wonders (like that bit of pompous legalese?) whether the honorable Judge Joseph Falcone was aware of the two employees fired after taking the Zambonis to the drive-through.

Clearly the body of legal statues surrounding ice cleaners needs a bit of grooming, since it’s only a matter of time before the 5,600 to 7,000-lb. behemoths–with a top speed of 5 mph!–do some serious damage on our nation’s roads.


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