How Do You Spell That?

O-C-H-W-A-T Only six letters. How hard can six letters be?

Pretty damn hard, apparently. For the past few years I’ve been collecting various lame attempts to spell my name. And there’s just enough low-grade interest that I thought I’d post it again.

I know it’s only six letters, but some of these aren’t even close. To paraphrase Crash Davis in the movie Bull Durham, you wonder if some of these people could hit water if they fell out of a boat.

So here they are, grouped by ineptitude:

Inexplicable: Correctly spelled “Ochwat,” misspelled “John”

  • Judd Ochwat
  • Jogn Ochwat
  • James Ochwat

Dead on Arrival (Hint: It starts with “O”)

  • John Achwat
  • John Auquat
  • John Aquad
  • John Ahwat
  • John Dehwat
  • John Schwat (for some reason I sort of like this one)

What part of “O-C” don’t you understand?

  • John Orhwat
  • John Owchat
  • John Oshwat
  • John Okward
  • John Oschwat
  • John Ouhwat
  • John Oschwatch (he knows what time it is!)
  • John Onchwat (this from a payroll check, believe it or not)

“It’s O, C, H …”

  • John Ocawat

“Let me start again. O, C, H, W …”

  • John Ochnat
  • John Ochuuat (Hint: “w” does not equal double-u)
  • John Ochurs

Getting Warmer

  • John Ochwuat
  • John Ochwot
  • John Ochwdt (Buy me a vowel)
  • John Ochwalt
  • John Ochwant
  • John Ochwart (This in 72-point type on a tabletop sign at a recent training class. Thanks, SQLSoft!)

So Close, and yet so far!

  • John Ochwag
  • John Ochwal
  • John Ochwa
  • John Ochwai

Special Bonus Letters!

  • John Ochwatt
  • John Ochwatte
  • John Ochwhtat

And Finally: You Go, Girlfriend!

  • Ms. John Ochwat

11 thoughts on “How Do You Spell That?

  1. Hi John
    Thanks for the funny site. Im from Denmark and had just joint facebook. I read the many tries with a big smile :o). You`re very right! Our surname are diffrent.
    A big smile from Roskilde denmark…

  2. John,

    I used to be married to a man by your name, though he spelled it with two “t’s” John Ochwatt. No one ever got our surname correct and everyone got the first name right, his at least, mine was always, “Isn’t that a boy’s name?” Well dufus, not if you are Irish. LOL.

    Erin T. Crowe, IBSSG
    Mrs. John Ochwatt

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  8. Love it! Having survived 39 years with the last name Ochwat and having never met an Ochwat I wasn’t related to, I thoroughly enjoyed your article. It was dead on and I laughed because I can easily relate. I’ll have to see if there are any misspellings that I have gotten that you have not already listed. So nice to know that there are others in the world that can relate. Luckily my parents gave me an easy first name, Lisa, although my older two sisters were not so lucky. Feel free to look me up on FaceBook or on my website

  9. My last name is impossible, apparently. It’s pronounced guh-NEES-ee-ohs and spelled gnesios. I’ve gotten everything from nesios to genesis. Genesis? Really? It’s not that hard if you remember the g, people.

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